Coffee and Baby Wipes....

Well, the weekend is over.  If it truly happened, I don’t remember, so I hope you all had a nice one.  Since the weekend is over, that means it is the dreaded MONDAY MORNING.  Oh Monday, there is not enough coffee and cigarettes in the world to take your miserable feeling away.  (Yes, I smoke, Yes, I know that it is awful for me and killing me.  No, I don’t smoke in front of my children or in my house.  Please do not lecture me on smoking.  It is my only vice.  Besides coffee.)  How any of us actually make it to our destinations on a Monday is beyond me.

7:00AM – I have officially hit snooze 17 times by this point, and I have to rip all of the covers off myself and physically pick up my legs to get them out of the bed.  On the way to the bathroom, I step on whatever the toy of the minute is and scream in pain. 

7:15AM – Coffee.  Coffee.  Coffee.  Coffee.  Coffee.  Coffee.  Why does it take so long to brew?  I go take the fastest shower in the world.  Of course I don’t wash my hair, who has time for that?  As I am getting out of said shower, I hear Son and Daughter.  They are awake.  Before I have had coffee….I will be ok.

7:30AM – I am now BEGGING Son to please get dressed, he is still under the covers.  He makes some inaudible noises.  May have said a swear word or two.  I can’t tell, since Daughter is screaming some nonsense in my ear, I get her dressed, and of course, she poops.  Awesome.

7:45AM – We need to be leaving RIGHT NOW.  Of course at that moment, I realize that there is no school today, Son has to go to the Y, he needs a lunch, Daughter needs Pop-Tarts, cheese and oatmeal cookies for daycare, I STILL NEED COFFEE.  Now very loudly begging to get shoes on.  Son is now on the couch, back to sleep, he may have his shirt on backwards, but  I don’t care.  Daughter has just dumped the whole game of Connect Four on the floor and is belly laughing.  Ok, I will clean that up next Friday tonight.  EVERYBODY GO TO THE CAR.

7:56AM – Go back in the house and get everything I forgot.  Jackets, blankies, extra diapers for daycare, and MY COFFEE.  We are on the road.

8:10AM – Daughter’s drop off was successful.  I drive for 2 minutes of silence.  “Mommy, what can I have for breakfast?”  Son is hungry.  He forgot breakfast.  I forgot to remind him to grab something for breakfast.  He pulls cookies out of his lunch bag.  “Can I have these?”.  SURE.  YOU SURE CAN.  Here, I found a Starburst in my purse from about 10 months ago, have a Starburst chaser!!  (Mom of the year moment).

8:30AM – Cookie and Starburst boy have been successfully dropped off.  It is then that I realize I have baby snot on my sweater, and baby poop in my fingernails.  NICE.  I grab the baby wipes while doing 65 and do a quick cleanup.  Eh, I’m clean enough.  Maybe if I smell, no one at work will talk to me today!!!!

9:00AM – I arrive ON TIME!!!!  SHOCKER!!!!!!  Ok, so when do I get to take a nap?

Have a wonderful week everyone!!! 

Love and Stuff.

So here it is, my very first blog post.  All of my friends told me to do it.  Yeah, I give into peer pressure, SO WHAT???  Anywho, now that I am here, what on earth do I write about?  Let's just start with the interesting evening I had last night.

We are finally home.  Dinner includes Pop-Tarts for Daughter (she is on a strict Pop-Tart, cheese, pancake and cookie diet, no fruits or veg in her game), a handful of cereral for Mom, and a pretty balanced meal for Son.  As we shovel food in, I get the 'look' from Son.  He wants to ask me a question.  I KNEW IT.  Here it is.  "Mommy, what is a PIMP?"  "WHAT???????????????????????????????????"  "Jake (name has been changed) said that Tim said he was a PIMP."  Sweet Jeebus, why, oh WHY do I have to answer this?  I told him it was a pimple and to never say the word again.  He was cool with that.  I also told him to ask his father the next time he has these questions.  He needs to experience all of this fun shit too!!

Son and I have MANY conversations about Jake.  Jake is his best friend, who also has older siblings that tell him EVERYTHING.  For example, when I was pregnant with Daughter, Son was completely convinced that she was going to be born from my butt.  He was pretty close, but COME ON, he was 5!!!  No need to scare the crap (haha, pun! kind of) out of him with that visual.  Damn, I even got a little scared thinking about it. 

Wow, this is a shitty blog.  Good luck to all of you for having to put up with this.  Let's see if I can really keep it going. 

Love & Stuff